PiQUANT CHESTNUT - III

Last week, students having slogged their ass out for over two years had come over for the IIT-JEE counseling. I started salivating on the mere sight of the plum faced, bespectacled and innocent faces. They seemed easy prey but the only constraint was that I'll have to wait till the start of the session before I could "RAG" them.

In this context, I am reminded of last year's ragging sessions. We called over this freshie, for an "intro" session as we IITians so popularly term it. After the starter course of FAQ's we moved on to the main menu. In the FAQ round, on being asked what 36-24-36 represented he said that they were the dimensions of the new "Fanta Curvy" bottle. We showed him the "DPS RKpuram Scandal" video and inquired of him what the girl was doing in the clip. He replied,"She is eating a chocobar."

P.S :: Do I need to add anything else ?
The guy was aptly named (going by the IITM nomenclature system) FACHO (fanta + chocobar).

CAT VS JEE

It's ridiculous how people even compare CAT to JEE.
JEE's infinitely tougher. You can get up one fine day, brush your teeth, crap and go write CAT and still make it to the IIMs. JEE? Nicest try.

P.S: I read this article on CB's blog and I simply could not help putting it on mine. :D

Brett "Karan" Lee making waves on the Indian scene


Mumbai,26 September,2013 : He is every girl's prince charming. He is tall, he is handsome, he is cool, he can dance, he can sing, he can make love, he can cry, he can make people laugh and most importantly he is single(yet again). Yes, we are talking about Bollywood's latest hearthrob, the new lover boy in the land of Kamasutra and plagiarized movies(and of remakes and sequels), Brett Lee.

11 movies since his debut in "Tere bin"(2009) and 9 of them have sent the cash registers ringing. "Tere Bin" may not have been a success but our man certainly made a point. His next 10 films set the box office ablaze (excluding perhaps the dud "Agosh"(2012) where he decided to go for an image makeover and try his hand at a action movie). He is Yash Chopra banners latest torch bearer. The fairy tale journey began in 2008 when he rejected a 2yr extension contract with the ACB to sign for Yash Chopra's banners "Tere Bin" directed by Uday Chopra. He had by then already made his presence felt in India, having been involved with a large number of commercial endorsement and having even sung in an Asha Bhosle album. Skeptics loathed his decision and wrote passionately about him putting up green notes ahead of patriotism. They were right no doubt. Brett now makes thrice from movies, concerts and commercial endorsements than he did during his cricketing days. Initially pessimists rubbed him off arguing that an English speaking guy would never make it big in the tinsel town. But one year of special coaching classes in hindi with Atal Bihari Vajpayee and hair dyed black did the trick. He is now more hindi than the Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi himslef. Having spent 5 years in India he has now even applied for an Indian citizenship; he said at a recent movie launch that he is more Indian by heart than he is Australian by birth. "Tere Bin" was followed by "Kabhi Kabhi hi Kuch Hota Hai"( a sequel to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai(1998) ), which firmly established him as the new lover boy displacing ShahRukh Khan with elan. The next five years saw "Karan" (Karan is to Brett what Rahul was to ShahRukh, Vijay to Amitabh and Rohit to Hrithik) consolidate his position as the Prince Charming of Bollywood with blockbuster hits like "You are My Sonia"(2010), "Ey Mere Humsafar"(2011) [a remake of "Qayamat se Qayamat tak"], "Kitni Baatein" (2011), "Kuchh tum Kahon.."(2011) and "Doorie"(2012) ["INSPIRED" by the Hollywood romance "Sleepless in Seattle(1993)"]. His latest movie, "Kassam Se..." is running to packed houses and advance bookings into the second week have already been made into his next movie "Kambakht Ishq" which is scheduled to be released during the festive season of Diwali.

9 hits out of 11, a brand value close to 220 crores, torch bearer of the Karan Johar and Yash Chopra banners, through with 2 marriages and infinitely many alleged linkups (and another infinite kept under the wraps) he certainly is the biggest star of the industry today. And his most recent break up with Deepika Padukone, after dating each other for the past 1 year has a come as a breath of cool breeze to his lacs of female fan following. He may be the most loved character on screen but he has been deeply embroiled in controversy in real life. First there was hia famous breakup with his first wife, Elizabeth even before the release of his first movie, his war of words with Shahid Kapoor over Kareena Kapoor who paired opposite him in "Ey Mere Humsafar"(2011) [which reminds me of the Vivek Oberoi-Salman Khan episode that took place almost a decade back], then his alleged linkups with the underworld and now his latest attempts to buy "Mannat" which has further mangled his equations with ShahRukh Khan. Both have not been on talking terms since ShahRukh was replaced by him in a Karan Johar movie two years back and Brett chose not to invite Shahrukh to his second marriage with Ekta Kapoor in December,2011.(Which as history would have it ended up in a divorce within 4 months.)

With Sanjay Dutt having been sentenced to 11 yrs of rigorous imprisonment in the TADA case(set to be released in 2019) rumours are abuzz that Vindhu Vinod Chopra is planning to tee off the "Munna Bhai" series again with Brett in the lead this time around. This might come as a welcome change for Brett himself for he has been regularly bashed up by the critics for playing the same candy floss role in all his movies uptill now and not utilising his vast acting repertoire to the fullest extent. He may be the critic's latest whipping boy, but as he said in a recent interview "I act for the masses and not for the men who pretend to know too much". And with Shahrukh Khan set to take a break from acting, to start of as a director and Farhan Akhtar going gaga over Brett's emoting abilities we might well see him in the coming DON movies and this might well add salt, spice and what not to his existing consanguinity with Shahrukh.

So Brett fans might well get to see a lot more of Brett Lee in the coming years and that too in diverse personifications, especially with the most talked about movie in the recent years, Ram Gopal Verma's first brush with a romance, "Kanishkk" (an Indianised version of the Titanic) starring Brett set to release on Republic Day next year.

PiQUANT CHESTNUT - II

This episode dates back to the time when I was doing my intermediate back in my hometown. We used to have a troop of teachers in Physics each of whom used to take a particular chapter. One of them, Mr. Raj used to be the most liked. Though I must mention that it was not because of his teaching abilities but sorely because of the fact that his classes were a public theater were we had the full freedom to pass comments, laugh, crack jokes on the jester waving his hands around and writing illegible stuff on the blackboard. He probably hailed from a sylvan background as was evident from his slurred English. I remember one incident in particular. It was Teacher's Day. We wished him exclaiming "Happy Teacher's Day" in chorus. He stared at us aimlessly as if he didn't get what the fuss was all about. Out of the blue, as we were heading towards our tables, came the reply -- "Same to you".

PiQUANT CHESTNUT - I

Piquant Chestnut refers to my collection of interesting real life anecdotes covering a multitude of spectrum ranging from one liners to an extended dose of verbal bazookas. Whenever I title any article with the same, you can be rest assured that they are cent percent true(but there may be added sprinkling of salt and pepper to make up for my lack of scribbling potential), save for the names of the protagonist.

The first one is dedicate to a very close friend of mine. Lets call him "Grecoe" from now onwards for no reason in particular . He deserves a name because I am sure he is making the most number of appearances in this section. Now Grecoe, was crashing(sleeping) in the middle of an ongoing lecture of ID 110(duh... who didn't) and to his misfortune our hostel warden, DJ was the invigilator. He patted on Grecoe's back to wake him up; Grecoe did wake up but he just stared blankly at the Prof. and again crashed !!!(lolz) The Prof. followed the pat with a much sterner tap the next time around. Grecoe did wake up this time but the conversation that followed is a classic.
Grecoe (even before being asked anything) : Just came
DJ : What !
Grecoe : No sir, just came.
DJ : Who just came?
You just came?
Grecoe : No Sir ... Sleep just came.

P.S : If you did not get the humour in it, get back to ENG 101.


Now for a masterpiece. We entered the fourth semester aware that a certain a Elec. Prof. was to take a 2 credit course. The previous year he had turned the two credit course into a five hour one. So we were all in a state of fear of what he was to do this year. By God's grace it ended up as a two credit course thanks to some heated ego clashes[kept under the wraps] between the Mech department[goshh.... Mech deptt. and ego] and the Elec. department about the importance of the very course. This certainly didn't please the Prof. concerned and his agitation was evident. To show the worth of the course (read retaliate) he announced --
"In the present context, I will only be taking you from one level of ignorance to another."

GENRE :: RAJNI


You may not a get word of Tamil, you may hate the autowallahs who pretend to not get a word of Hindi that you are yelling, you may not even bother about the people blabbering around you in some alien language leave aside making an serious effort to find what "entraa" meant....(though one wouldn't mind decorating the walls with posters of Asin and Shreya) ; but mark my words, if you are marooned somewhere in South India longing to stay away from sambhar and rasam, there is one thing you cannot surely do - AVOID RAJNI.

I have been staying in Chennai for the past two years and despite all my sincere efforts I have not been able to prevent Rajni from getting into system. Sigmund Freud remarked, "The mind absorbs only what it wants as its appetite "; but his quote falls to flat ears when it comes to Rajni and South India. I have not watched a single Rajni movie and I even avoided the screening of "Chandramukhi" in my institute (I remember the day. It was like Diwali being celebrated all over again. The countdown had begun the day the announcement was made and on the eve of screening people were behaving as if ATLANTIS was supposed to be launched. The anticipation, the craze, the excitement........ I wish, I could put it in paper.
The OAT where the movie was being screened was jam packed(IT IS THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE DECADE). I believe more people attended it than the Shanker-Ehsaan-Loy concert. I avoided going to the theater on the pretext that I wouldn't get the language.[Well.... If you would believe my southie friend, one-third of the theater was filled with people who didn't get the language and supposedly half the crowd go to watch Rajni movies not because they care for the script or dialogues but exclusively for Rajni's mere presence]. At this point I must admit that my real reason of avoiding the screening was because the racist in me was not ready to accept a South Indian idol. My only previous memoirs of Rajni were that of a pot bellied, supernatural hero who defied Newton's laws of Physics. He could kill two goons with one bullet by merely using a blade to bifurcate the speeding bullets. If he was separated from the antagonist by a wall, he would toss one gun up into the air and shoot at it with another when the former attained its peak. The bullet from the latter would cause the trigger motion in the first one killing of the predator on the other side of the wall.

That was about Chandramukhi and the ignorant me before I was marooned in South India. Times have changed. Its "Shivaji" now. But Rajni-mania has not changed. Its the same madness in his fan following, the same craze and the same demi-god treatment. I didnt get it then, I still dont get it. I dont even know if his movies are romances, comedies, action or for that matter parallel cinema. I asked a close friend of mine, who actually missed on an evening with his ex-girl friend because he had to watch 'Shivaji', as to what genre 'Shivaji' belonged. To my amazement, he asserted that you couldn't characterize Rajni's movies. Characterizing into one particular mould meant that you are claiming that Rajni was not effective in the other mould.

In his words, " Genre :: Rajni. It's a Rajni movie macha... "

Keyser Soze
The Only Suspect

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"
One line that defines the man, the greatest conman in cinematic history. Tracy Whitney, D B Cooper, Daniel Ocean, Charles Milverton, Gasper LeMerc are no doubt all great conmen in their own right but if you ask me Keyser Soze is like the solitaire that adorns the Con Crown.

My biggest regret after watching that movie was how in the world I could have missed it. I saw it 12 years after its release, that too even when it had been consistently rated among the top 20 movies of all time on IMDb. The whole movie is nothing but the metamorphosis of Keyser Soze from a "mythical" mafia kingpin to a factual embodiment of the con spirit. The movie is not about Kevin Spacey, its not about the quick witted and enthralling interrogation session, its not about 5 men fencing gems : Its about Keyser Soze and that is it.

Keyser Soze literally transforms to "Verbal Emperor" in Turkish and he lives upto every alphabet of his name. Fabricating a truly convincing tale in front of a ruthless and eccentric FBI agent is no mean deed.

You are struck with a sense of terror the moment Keyser Soze is introduced as a mafia kingpin. It is said that --
When he was a small-time Turkish drug runner, a rival Hungarian gang tried to seize his territory and business by taking his family hostage, raping his wife, and traumatizing his children in the process. Söze, in response, killed his own family and all but one of the threatening gangsters, who is spared in order to carry the news of the event to the rest of the gang.

If you think I am the only one going gaga over Keyser soze, you are in for shock.
In popular culture, you actually have a phrase as "Keyser Sozed" which basically means to be fooled by someone's identity or agenda. And then any movie or book for that matter that tend to redefine the facts towards the climax contrary to what had been presented before ( which in retrospect is actually a standard literary technique ) are said to suffer from the "Keyser Soze Syndrome".


To conclude, if you idolize conmen, factual or fictional, and still have never heard of Keyser Soze then as they would say it in hindi, "Chullu bhar pani mein doob mar".

DEATH OF A DAY.

The winds have broken their path,
the sky has sunk,
Into its bottled lonely grave.
Celestial beings,
Dissolve into the loneliness, only to rise up again.

Battling its way,
through the vast seas of time......
Into a season of silence
Towards isolation
Towards eternity, towards ..................................

INDIA FAIL TO QUALIFY FOR 2019 WORLD CUP

Kabul(Afghanistan),21 July , 2019 :: India failed to defeat Afghanistan in the World Cup 2019 qualifier in the Asia -Pacific zone held at the George Bush National Stadium in Kabul after losing a not so closely fought match by 112 runs. In reply to Afghanistan's imposing total of 334/7 in the alloted 50 overs, led by Taufeeq bin Laden's (allegedly grandson of the late Osama Bin Laden) maiden century, the Indian team was allout in the 48th over for 222. Captain Sachin Tendulkar, in his ninth stint as captain managed a painstaking 62 from 128 deliveries with just 3 fours. The Afghanistan team, consisting primarily of players of British and American origin (whose parents were stationed as members of the peace keeping troops during the troubled times at the beginning of the century) outdid the Indians in every department of the game. The Indians were on the backfoot right from ball one during chase as they had no answer to 17yr old debutant Adam D. Pearl's pace and bounce. Adam Pearl is the son of the late journalist Daniel Pearl who had been killed in 2002 and he changed his nationality as a dedication to his late father's courage and bravery.

Coach Sehwag said that he is not worried because he has the backing of selectors, captain and the board and that they had won a close match against Papua New Guinea just 2 yrs ago. Former India captain and now a commentator with NEO Sports Rahul Dravid believes that Sachin should now consider retiring gracefully and let Aryan Khan(son of ShahRukh Khan), the current vice-captain take over the mantle of captaincy.

The Indian cricket board led by president Rahul Gandhi has called for an emergency meeting to discuss future course of action. Former players like Yuvraj Singh, Md Kaif, VVS Laxman and Kumble have been invited. Coach Sehwag and captain Tendulkar will present a report. VVS Laxman today created a new controversy by saying that he expected a written apology from Rahul Gandhi for including him in the category of former players. He said that he has improved his fielding and fitness and wants to play the 2023 WC in Bahrain!! On the other hand former BCCI President Laloo Prasad Yadav has filed a legal notice challenging validity of the elections by virtue of which Rahul Gandhi now holds the post.

In another offbeat incident Brett Lee, current hearthrob of bollywood, has suggested the name of Mahendra Singh Dhoni to play the role of a serial killer in Mahesh Bhatt's latest movie. He himself is presently working on 'Dhoom-7', 'Sarkar-4' ,'Don-4' and 'MunnaiBhai bane Cricketer'.

P.S : Inspired from a forwarded article on the Internet ( fwd by my friend Sibabrat)

RHEUMS OVER "STAINED" MEMORIES

Stained yellow pages, scattered ink droplets :
Black's merged into the chrome,
I wish : Not the fragmented parchments
I wish : Not the rheums I shed
I wish : Not the requitals of the past . . . .

The buff mask, that veils the stained thought;
The memoirs that conjure without my sanction,
Memories : that I should have never bought
Rheums : that I cannot shed
Memories : that i will have to die with . . . .