LES PROPHETIES

I am no Nostradamus, but here I have made a sincere attempt with a closed mind enveloped by an exaggerated sense of sarcasm to predict the fortunes (read misfortunes) of Team India and the BCCI in the year to follow.


Quarantine II -- FEBRUARY/MARCH

• Sourav Ganguly injected back into the ODI team after the CPI (M) threaten to withdraw support from the central government.
• Sreesanth is a hit with the Australian media. After displaying his dancing skills to Andre Nel and tabla skills to Mathew Hayden in the past he displays his vocal talent Andrew Symonds.
• Yuvraj Singh backs out of the tour citing personal reasons.
• After Harbhajan Singh, Sreesanth gets into trouble for racially abusing Symonds during the ODI series.
• BCCI threaten to boycott the tour.
• Tour continues after apologies from Cricket Australia. Further, BCCI file a writ against Symonds for public defamation (of Sreesanth) in the Supreme Court of India and team India is given a bye to the tri-nation finals.
• The ICC all this while remains a mute spectator not being able to go against the richest cricket board in the world.
• India lose the finals as Sachin Tendulkar fails again in the finals but wins the man of the series award by virtue of the three 90+ scores he made in the leagues.
• India receive heroes welcome after a successful tour of Australia where they won just one test and a couple of one-dayers.

Quarantine III -- APRIL/MAY

• Leaked Email from M S Dhoni to the BCCI President reveals that Yuvraj Singh backed out of the tour to go on a holiday with Deepika Padukone to NewZealand.
• Yuvraj Singh goes public with his version of the story saying that he did go to NewZealand but argues that it was mere coincidence that Deepika Padukone had her shooting there. The real reason according to him was that he was being used by the NewZealand Cricket Board as a mediator to convince Shane Bond to leave ICL. He further adds that Dhoni was a loser and created this issue because he was jealous of his relationship with Deepika Padukone.
• NewZealand Cricket Board deny any such arrangements though Shane Bond makes a contradictory statement that Yuvraj Singh had in fact met him in March.
• In between all this, Gary Kirsten rejects the contract by the BCCI saying Indian summers are too hot and not conducive to his methodology of coaching.
• BCCI go in search of a new coach.

Quarantine IV – JUNE/JULY

• In a bid to take advantage of the publicity generated and increase TRP for his show, Shahrukh invites the trio, (Deepika, Dhoni and Yuvraj) to KBC. The trio win 50 lacs inspite of the acrimony between Yuvraj and Dhoni.
• Rumour mills go abuzz with the news that Yuvraj and Deepika get engaged in a private ceremony. Both vehemently deny the allegations stating that they are just “good friends”
• Irfan Pathan spotted cheering for Sania Mirza at the Wimbledon.
• BCCI announces the names of applicants for the post of coach. The list includes former cricketers Wasim Akram and Steve Waugh as well as leading personalities like management guru Laloo Prasad Yadav, technocrat Prof MS Shanmugham (HOD, Mech – IITM), Vijay Mallya and cricket expert Sumedh Yateen Samant.
• The Pakistani Government brand Wasim Akram a traitor for applying for the post of coach of the Indian Cricket team. The Al-Qaeda release fatwa against Wasim Akram for savoring relationship with an US friendly nation.
• MS Dhoni attempts suicide. Admitted to ICU. Suicide note reveals it was due to the stress of excessive cricket. BCCI revises cricket calendar to reduce work load. Conspiracy theorists argue that it was because of “love lost”.
• IPL postponed to 2009 due to crammed cricket calendar.
• With Dhoni hospitalized and Yuvraj finding disfavour with the selection committee for his wayward ways, Irfan Pathan is appointed captain of the Indian ODI team for the upcoming series against Australia.

Quarantine V – AUGUST/SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER

• Team for Australia series declared. No surprises but for Dhoni and Yuvraj’s absence. Team to play without a coach.
• India thrash Australia 3-0 on minefields of pitches doctored to suit Indian spinners. Anil Kumble and Harbhajan take 21 wickets each in the series while Tendulkar takes 12 bowling his part time leg spinners. The man of the series award goes to Australian left arm spinner Michael Clarke for taking 28 wickets in the series.
• Harbhajan dismisses Ricky Ponting in 5 of the 6 innings.
• Dravid and Ganguly announce retirement. Tendulkar says he still feels young and is ready to play as a third spinner after experts criticize his poor batting form.
• CPI (M) and Trinamool Congress demand Bharat Ratna for Ganguly.

Quarantine V – NOVEMBER/DECEMBER

• Mahesh Bhatt’s movie “HAWAS – the only passion” starring Shoaib Akhtar releases to packed theatres through out India on Diwali. It firmly establishes Shoaib Akhtar as the new “SERIAL F***ER” of Bollywood. The movie bombs despite the superb opening; but it opens new avenues for Pakistani cricketers. Reports reveal that Inzamam Ul Haq has been offered the role of Kajol’s father in KJo’s next while Misbah is set to play a bulbing sycophant in a RGV movie.
• BCCI appoint Ganguly and Dravid as the ODI and Test batting coaches respectively. They join the team of Robin Singh (fielding) and Venkatesh Prasad (bowling) and manager Lalchand Rajput.

• India thrash South Africa on slow dirty dust bowls engineered to suit the Indian spin trio of Kumble, Harbhajan and Tendulkar who share four fifths of all the wickets among them.

P.S :: Additional predictions are welcome.